She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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