areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
