Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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