I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
