Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
