i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
