Porn is love you can see.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize