Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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