apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
