I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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