Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
