my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
