I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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