Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
