Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
