Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
