its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
