a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
