Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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