There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
