someone threw a dead crab at me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
