i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
