I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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