No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
