Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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