meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
