And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize