We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
