Only a mothe r could love this liver
You smell like stripper and shame
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize