I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
