roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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