I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
