Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
