opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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