That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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