woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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