awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
