And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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