paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
