I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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