there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This is the high leading the old right now
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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