so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
