oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
