Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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