We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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