I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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