you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
