no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
