More tranny stories later!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
