This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
