I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
