Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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