Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
