found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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