You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
