Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Are we still banned from the library?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
