i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
