she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
These tits shall not be calmed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
