Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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