I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
