so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
