Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
In America we eat man semen.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
