I just cut my nipple shaving
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
