is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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