i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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