Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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