a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
