Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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