i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
