i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
